1) Love and respect people

• You can never call anyone stupid. To their face or otherwise, regardless of whether they’re friends or on TV. You can criticize ideas, but not people.
• Unless you’re talking to someone over 30 feet away, do not raise your voice above normal talking level volume.
• When someone is talking to you, listen until they finish. And then ask them questions to elaborate on what they’re talking about. Show you’re interested in them and their work.
• Don’t tell people they don’t know something. You can start by talking about what they do know, and build from there. But you can’t teach and expect anyone to like you if you start with how little they know.
• Talk to your children. I don’t mean talk at them. I mean call them at least 3 times a week and ask her how their day was and what they’ve been doing with their friends, parties, school, band, boys/girls. They won’t always be able to talk, but find out a good time to call and talk to them. Just listen to them and learn their problems and try to help them by asking them questions, not telling them what to do. They’ll figure that out for themselves and make their own mistakes.  If they ask you for answers, don’t make them up. Answer if you have the experience to back it up, but don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.”
• Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know”. Most people don’t know, so if you don’t know, say so. A question doesn’t require an answer, and a statement doesn’t require a response.
• Let go of all resentment. Anything that happened in the past is a sunk cost, but you have so much time to fix those problems and build new bridges. Approach it all with a smile, because you have so much to offer to people but only if you’re willing to go forwards.

2) Become an honest person

• Whenever anyone asks you a question, you have to tell them the truth insofar as they’d want to hear. No white lies. They might get hurt, and hopefully they do, because you need to stop trying to play damage control and trying to win people over. Instead, act the part you play. You’ll open your life to people and you’ll begin growing real connections.

3) Become a doer, not a wisher

• Fail intentionally, get rejected regularly. This might be the most important item on this list. I don’t care how you do this, but one way might be to approach people who haven’t helped you in the past and reach out to them with ideas.
• Recognize that every failure you’ve encountered if because of a mistake on your part or a flaw in your execution. You’re going to need help with this one, so if you don’t understand why something happened, ask me and I’ll help you figure it out. This could be anything you think should have gone the other way for you.
• Do something you love. If you love what you do and wake up every morning happy to do it, then great. Stick with it. If you don’t feel that way, cash out and quit. You can always come back. Start a business with a partner solving a problem you encounter, join a company, find a mentor. If you need help getting started I know a lot of people who can help and would love to offer their expertise and possibly even work with you.

Concrete Steps

1. I want you to call an old friend who you’ve either fallen out of touch with or are in a long-standing fight with. Ask them about their life, their family, what they do for fun, their last vacation. Just start talking.
2. I want you to call someone who has hurt you very badly and forgive him or her. Tell them you hope they’re finding their own path, and wish them luck.

You should follow me on Twitter here. (@justindross)

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